The Things You Worry About

What we worry about changes over time. I used to worry about everything. Especially as a principal, worrying was what you got paid for. I thought I had to see the consequence of every action five stages into the future. Still, I got surprises on a regular basis. Some things you just could not see coming.

I still think a lot about my suspension. That was my biggest surprise.

Was there any way to foresee this? How could I have discerned the thinking of my accuser and my employers? Why do I still think about this?

This is still a post for the future, I haven’t thought of a good way to write this one yet.

Tomorrow I am going to Montreal to visit my mother. I am worrying about this.

How crazy is this? I am worrying about visiting my mom. What is happening to my world? This is the person who raised me, looked after me, listened to me, always cared for me.

Now she is alone.

The stalwart of our family has died. Our wonderful, beautiful father. We are certainly moving on, but what is life like for the partner? This is difficult to imagine.

My mom is far away from here and she doesn’t pick up the phone. Although I think about her every day it is difficult to connect. Again, how crazy is this? You can’t connect with your own mother?

Yes, and this is a constant worry, but not something I can talk about to my mom.

The things you worry about when you are retired are different.

I have been pretty critical of my former employers, I think the criticism was fair and it had to be done by someone who was on the inside. Still, I worry now about being on the outside because I have gone beyond the corporate tent in my comments.

At some point you just have to be honest, and if that puts you on the outside that is fine.

However, it is a totally different matter when you look at family. How do you do this when the old reliable structure has crumbled?

This worries me. This is unscripted territory that I just need to plough through. Many of my friends will read this and it will resonate – I hope.

We worry because we love.

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